You know when you’re just minding your own business and all of a sudden something happens and you’re like, Oh Sweet Jesus, because it’s totally unexpected and unwanted. So there’s me, walking back from the town, and I cut through the Botanic Gardens on my way home; nice wee walk in the afternoon sunshine. It was freezing though. November in Belfast.
Well anyway, I was going down Agincourt Avenue, and as I went past Damascus Street, you know, where they’ve got that mural of Rory McIlroy on the gable end at Rugby Avenue now; it’s class. Rory McIntyre, that woman on the TV called him, during the riots: what a dick. Anyway, coming along Damascus Street right next to me was this gypsy woman. Must have been in her fifties. The thing was, I mean, you couldn’t ignore it, she had these massive tits, down to her waist they were, and she was wearing some kind of pink skin-tight top, but no support, if you get what I’m saying. You could see everything. The two nips were sticking out like child’s thumbs, pointing down to the ground. She had a black felt jacket on but she hadn’t done it up. It was frigging Baltic outside too; obviously didn’t bother her.
Well here, I got an eyeful of that and I near ran down the hill, the whole thing was so awkward. I knew she was behind me, but sure that didn’t matter; out of sight and out of mind. Only, as I got towards the bottom of the street, there was this crowd of young fellas – students probably – standing outside their front door drinking. And all I heard was these culchie accents: Oh My God, and would she not think of wearin’ a bra? And then they saw me, and I nodded my head, and they knew I knew, and one of them said: he seen it too! And they were laughing like fuck, and I nodded again, cos it was quite funny, but then one of them started to shout at yer woman, Yeo! Only young once, get your tits out for the boys, and all of a sudden I wondered how much she understood, and why she was out dressed like that, and how she didn’t deserve it, and I felt ashamed.
Audio, read by Joby Fox: Damascus .WAV – Joby