Looking at the Menu: a Dialogue.

Scene: Supermarket car park. Bill and Margaret have just arrived, and are getting ready to leave the car.  Parked next to them is an attractive young woman, who is eating her lunch.

Vernacularisms Car park

Bill: Here, before we go in, can I just say something?

Margaret:  Sure, go ahead.

B: Er … well …

M: Oh, I hate it when you do this. What is it?

B: Well … I …

M: Yes?

B: I … well …

M: Go ON.

B: Ach, it’s not important … Let’s get the shopping done and I’ll tell you later.

M: Fuck’s sake! I’m all curious now. Come on, out with it.

 B: Promise you won’t take it the wrong way?

M: Sure. Just tell me.

B: Well … alright then:  I’d like to try something new.

M: You what? What do you mean?

B: Now don’t get upset, I’m not complaining, just saying we should … you know … broaden our horizons a bit.

M: I’m NOT upset. I just don’t know what you’re on about. You’re not happy?

B: Knew it.  Shouldn’t have opened my mouth. Can’t talk about anything without you flying off the handle. Here, forget it.

M: No. You can’t do this. I’m not letting you do this. Answer the question. Are you saying you’re not happy with me? What’s wrong with me?

B: Look. Calm down. That’s not what I’m saying at all. Of course I’m happy with you. It’s just that …

M: What?

B: We’re married 27 years, and well …

M: Spit. It. OUT.

B: I think we need to … to … you know …

M: Fucks’s sake! What?

B: Alright I’ll say it. We need to liven things up a bit. Experiment. Try new things.

M: So you’re not happy. I KNEW it. I could feel it. It hasn’t been the same recently. You think I’m old and ugly.

B: No! That’s not it at all, I love you …

M: No you don’t. You think I’m just a frumpy old housewife. A borin’ oul’ doll.

B: NO! Would you listen? I’m trying to tell you something. You NEVER friggin’ listen. Pisses me off, so it does.

[Bill stares out of the window]

M: Why in the name of JESUS would I want to listen to you slabberin’ about how I’m not attractive to you anymore? Go fuck yourself. And why are you looking at her? Is that it? Is it?

B: You’re melting my head here. Got it all wrong as usual. Want to know why I’m looking at her? Do you?

M: I know rightly why you’re looking at her. You want to try something new alright. I know what this is all about. Do you seriously think a girl like that would be interested in a fat useless bastard like you? Your head’s full of sweetie mice, chum.

B: That’s it. I give up. There’s no point trying to talk to you. You always do this. I’ve had it. Fuckin’ MELTER!

[Bill opens the car door aggressively]

M: Where are you going? You’re not getting away with this, you selfish prick.

B: Fuck OFF. I’ve had it with you. You want to know why I was looking at her?

M: Aye go on then. Explain yourself. I can’t WAIT to hear it.

B: Sushi.

M: What?

B: She’s eating sushi. I want to try it.

M: Oh. Right … Well you can’t.

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